Where to begin?
First and foremost, THANK YOU to all my friends, Chautauqua fans, and staff, and even folks I hardly know, who have taken the time and given the support to help me, and my family, with this challenge. As far as I am concerned you all attended my birth on July 27 2016.
Obviously my cancer has changed life forever – some good, some bad.
Good is how it has slowed me down a little. Not in a bad way, but in the way that allows me to appreciate people and things that, in the past, I whizzed right by, busy with my busyness. Good is focusing more on my health and exercise, while allowing music to be a gentle foundation to everything I do. Good is meeting and working with my doctor, Mihailo Lallich, and the entire care team at Memorial Medical Center and the Northwest Cancer Center.
Bad has been dealing with all sorts of drugs, and playing the PSA lottery every 3 months (so far I’m winning). While I’m saying the drugs are part of the bad, they are also a very positive part of my recovery. They just need a lot of careful monitoring and adjusting. Bad is having an incurable form of cancer. This means that no matter how hidden and dormant it becomes, it is still hiding somewhere waiting to come back. Sounds scary, but in some ways we all live with similar insecurities as we age. Bad has been dealing with the financial challenges and instability caused by medical costs, and time away from work for treatments, tests, and consultations. Also, the loss of energy that sometimes puts me back in my bed for a nap way more often than before. Lastly, bad included a lot of mishaps stemming from my drive to recover my life and health. I overdid home repairs, and ended up needing carpal tunnel surgery. I got a little too adventurous with my bike riding and training, and got a broken collarbone and wrist to remind me to train smarter. Both of these activities continue to be a positive part of my new life, but I have to use them more responsibly.
Looking at that paragraph above, and the one before, it looks like the bad outweighs the good. It’s actually quite the opposite. The thing that tips the balance is just the pure joy of “being here.” There is never a moment that goes by, or a morning I wake, or a night that I lay down that I don’t feel that deeply, under everything else.
That’s pretty much how things stand as I celebrate my 1st birthday (a month late), but I would like to share one last thing with anyone who has been, is, or will be dealing with cancer in your life. This is a very different disease. It’s my own body getting confused about what is growth and health. My cancer cells were very happy to be thriving and growing better than any other cells in my body. The problem was they had forgotten the bigger picture, and refused to acknowledge that they were going to destroy their home if they kept at their self-satisfying pace for too long. Unfortunately for them, they refused to listen to any outside advice, and we had to kill them before they killed their home. Hopefully the meta-organism called T Bruce Bowers will be smarter, and I wish the same for all beings on this beautiful planet.
Life, love and music, T Bruce
